My mother's vulgar(?) sayings:
Every little bit counts, as the old lady said when she pulled down her pants and pi--ed in the sea.
Where is Clifford? He went to sh-- and the hogs ate him.
Where is Clifford? He took a sh-- and fell back in it.
It's not what you want, it is what you get.
She thinks she is the horses titty, but she is the horse's ass.
He is afraid she will let a f--t and he won't smell it.
He is following her around like a dog folowing a bitch in heat.
She thinks her sh-- doesn't stink.
Explanation of Ms. Frances Gazaway sayings
Every little bit counts, as the old lady said when she pulled down her pants and pi--ed in the sea.
Self explanatory.
"Where is Clifford? He went to sh-- and the hogs ate him."
For an unexplained abscence. One of the toilet habits for several generations was to squat and defacate anywhere outside where no one would step in it. The hog pen was ideal, because no waste would remain. A Gazaway would climb into the hog pen, and pull down his/her pants, Immediately a dozen hogs would scramble for position in a big semicircle surrounding the person as he squated. Gazaway would defecate and then select a corn cob to wipe his butt. He would then stand up, pull up his trousures and walk away, while the pigs scrambled for the morsel. They would gobble up everything including the corn cob.
Note: There was no plumbing, of course. There was an outdoor toilet (tiny building), but squating elsewhere was much more sanitary.
The joke, of course, is that the hogs ate Clifford, as well as the body waste.
"What happened to Clifford? He took a sh-- and fell back in it.
This is a variation of the squating story, above.
"It's not what you want, it is what you get."
Self explanatory. I frequent response from Mother when one of the seven kids wanted something. We had no resouces except what was grown on the farm.
"She thinks she is the horses ti-ty, but she is the horse's a-s."
Gossip about someone who thinks he (or, usually, she) is better than another.
"She thinks her sh-- doesn't stink."
Similar to "the horses t-ty".
"He is following her around like a dog folowing a bitch in heat."
This was usually an older man giving excessive attention to a younger women or teenager.
"He is afraid SHE will let a f--t and he won't smell it."
Similar to "like a dog". above.